Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Waaaay Back When-sday, Episode 7, Things I've done for a paycheck (part 1)

I consider myself a Jill of all Trades, master of none.

And I'm still not satisfied with my current job. I want to get out there and experience everything. Why be tied down to one career??

Those who enjoy their job can fu.....I mean, good for you for getting paid to do something you love!!!!

I'm not bitterly jealous or anything.


Because I have no idea what job it is that will make me happy, I've not been shy about trying on different hats (so to speak) for a good fit.

Granted, my mortgage and utility bills have kept me grounded in one job for the past 6 years. 6 YEARS!!! That's a lifetime for me!!!

Damn you, Responsibility!!! :-)

My first official job was probably babysitting...if you consider that a job. (I consider it hell. Voluntary hell, none the less.) Babysitting is a pretty typical first job for many.

I once babysat Satan himself. Or maybe he was Satan's grandson?

Doesn't matter really.

I think he single-handedly insured I would never generate a parasite of my own.

One day I arrived for an afternoon watch at Satan's house. The garage door wasn't even all the way down from his mother leaving, when I heard a scream. A gut-wrenching scream. A scream that would make any babysitter crap her pants.

I didn't though, let's make that clear. :-)

I ran to the source of the sound...the kitchen...expecting blood and gore...maybe loss of limb.

Instead I found a little boy with blue hands.

Blue SMOKING hands.

Yep, smoking!!!

The little sh....I mean, the child....had put his Gak in the microwave to make it more fun to play with.

After removing it from the microwave, he plunged his hands right into it.

(In hindsight, it reminded me of the first time I made marshmallow treats by myself. Putting my hands in the mixture to spread it out in the pan. Hot, sticky marshmallow. Not bright!)

It was the last time I babysat him. His mother was furious with me. (even though he'd obviously started the microwave while she was still home)


This child was evil, and his mother wore rose colored glasses when it came to his behavior.

Does anyone else have a babysitting nightmare to share?


mo.stoneskin said...

Sadly not.

Would have loved to see your face as you gawked at the blue smoking hands.

Nej said...

I just stood there a minute. I'm sure the look on my face was priceless. It took a couple seconds for the whole situation to sink in.

"He's screaming. Why is he screaming. He's holding out his hands to me. Why are they blue? What the heck did he get into? Wait, are they smoking? What would make his hands blue AND smoke? Crap - he's SMOKING! Water isn't going to work! What do I use to get that stuff off?? Oh hell!!!!!!"

miss minneapolis said...

Um.....microwaved poo?? For realz???

Venom said...

I was making popcorn the old-fashioned way, on the stove, when I heard a crash and much screaming.

Ran to find kid #2 had pulled a huge silverware cabinet over on herself.

Kid #2 was still crying when Kid #1 said, "I'm going to tell Mom & Dad you started the kitchen on fire."

I could do nothing about the scorch mark on the ceiling...

Thanks for visiting Venom, Secrets, & Lies!

Nej said...

miss minneapolis and venom - Welcome!!!!

@ MM - yes, he microwaved "make it softer".....if you've ever dealt with gak you'll know what I mean when I say I don't know how he thought it could get any softer!!! :-)

@ venom - scorch mark on the ceiling....impressive! (ugh) :-)