Friday, March 6, 2009

Storm a comin'??

You know when there's a storm forecasted for you area....the day before, the grocery stores are full of the elderly? Buying enough supplies to get them through the winter, even though the streets will be melted and cleared in no more than two or three days?????

Well, the first thing I did when I got back from lunch today was check the weather.


Because I went grocery shopping over lunch.

Usually, during the week over lunch, the store is filled with other people like me.
1) Those trying to get some shopping in whenever they have the chance.
2) Those that are there because people are coming over, and you need to fill up the fridge, so you don't look like empty fridge losers.
3) Those that have a meal planned for the night, and need the ingredients they are missing.

I fall into all three of those categories. You can tell with part I'm playing by the method of carrying my groceries around the store.
see above 1) grocery cart with list in hand
see above 2) handheld shopping basket - or grocery cart, without list
see above 3) balancing things in my arms - because I should have gotten a basket, but only came in for a "few things"

Today was a shopping cart day. No list. I should probably have something to offer them to drink at the very least.

Plus, I plan on cleaning and organizing the breezeway between the house and I needed cleaning food. (this weekend = hot dogs)

I got turkey dogs instead of my usual Wranglers All Beef. (sigh) I hate being good. We'll see how they taste.


The grocery store over lunch is usually full speed, hustle and bustle.


Today was not usual.

Today made me check the weather when I got back to work.

Today, I got stuck walking across the parking lot and into the store behind a group of older ladies (none of them under 85, and she was probably only there to drive).

I have no issues with age, race, color, religion, sexual preference, boxers vs briefs, chunky vs creamy, tomayto tomahto...whatever floats your boat people!!!

Although, I will admit I cheered when the Omaha Zoo put a restriction on strollers in the Jungle exhibit when it first opened. I know, I know...I know allot of moms that would throw things at me for saying that. I understand. But please understand, moms, I'm not a mom. And I don't want to be one. I wasn't born with the child wanting gene. No parasites (Mot's term) for me. But moms and their strollers were jamming up the works, and they had to do something.

Shopping is another one of those times that drastic measures must and should be taken.

When you're shopping...over lunch...there should be a speed limit. Walking no less than 2.5 or 3 mph allowed. From 11:30 to 1:00.

Strictly enforced...prosecutors to be punished.

I wanted to grab a cart when I got did this group of ladies. And, of course, they grabbed the carts that were stuck together. Instead of going to the next row of carts, they had to stand there..and flag someone who worked there help them.


I tried taking my cart through the empty checkout lanes to cut them off before they beat me to the produce section. It worked, I got there first. But they still kept getting in my way as I wound through the produce displays and rows of apples and oranges. One lady took 14 years to pick out a bunch of banana.

BANANAS!! Come on. Minus the few bunches that are either really brown, or really green...they are all the same. Just grab one!!!

I rolled my eyes,

her friend busted me.


From them on, Karma kicked me in the arse throughout the whole store. No matter where I went, I was the youngest by 60 years. Standing in front of the green beans, choosing a bottle of matter what product I needed. Someone 90 years my senior was standing in front of it.


At one point, I turned to go down an aisle. The ladies in front of me were making molasses seem fast....and then they stopped..suddenly. Right in the middle of the beginning of the aisle.

"Oh Thelma, these crackers are on sale. Would you like some."
"Well Ruth, I've never heard of them before. What kind of cracker are they?"
"I'm not sure, but they are on sale. Do you need crackers?"
"No, I have plenty at home."
"Are you sure, they're on sale?"


I tried to get around them to turn down the aisle,but there was a another group of them coming out. And there was NO WAY that young wipper-snapper (me) was going to make them (grocery store old ladies from hell) stop.

So, I waited for her to come out...and she waited, because I was standing in the direction she wanted to go. She couldn't go around.


I backed up and about took out a baked goods cart. She gave me this devil look. The "I'm old, respect me even though I'm rude!" look.

You know the one!!!!

Oh, and they also think I'm a lush. Why?

Hmmmm...let me think.....

Remember how I said my main mission was fluids for the night? I take my missions seriously. Besides my turkey dogs, whole wheat buns and boxes of mac and cheese (I know, I's horrible for me. But I'm an addict, plain and simple)...anyway, besides those food items...I had nothing but booze.

Large bottle of tequila - check.
Margarita mix - check.
6 pack of Corona for Mot - check.
6 pack of Smirnoff**** wine coolers for myself (what? they looked good!) - check.
2 liter of Mountain Dew (breezeway cleaning fluids - not really booze) - check.

I'm not sure how I escaped getting behind them in the checkout, but I did.

Well, I thought I did.

The dude bagging my stuff - 97 1/2 years old.

I didn't care how it was bagged (I actually remembered my cloth grocery bags - can you believe it?). Anyway, as long as my bread and hot dog buns weren't mushed, I didn't care how it was bagged. My only request was that my three refrigerated items be put in the same bag, so I could take it into work with me.

I put those three items by themselves on the conveyed belt.

I watched those three items get slid down to my bag boy (bag man?)....and I watched those three items each get put into a different bag.

Maybe he didn't hear me?


I was going to say something, and then didn't. If that was the worst thing that happened, and I could get out of there alive...I was willing to repack my groceries when I got to my car. Hands down.

Why couldn't my ladies have been as happy as this chick?

**** Smirnoff was actually in the spell check on blogger. Damn skippy!

Photo Source


Cowguy said...

LOL okay, the wordiest I've ever read of you.

Old folks are a large source of comedy.

Nej said...

Wow...that was a little wordy of me, eh?