Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Hell on Earth, Day 8

OK....this blog entry is basically a "poor me" you can just skip it and read the next one I write. I just need to get this out of my system...and I'm not one to go crying to people about my problems. I try to stay strong for others around me....but staying strong for myself just isn't going to work.

I kept falling asleep on the couch last night. We went to the shoe store for new running shoes, then to the grocery it wasn't like I sat on the couch like a slug when I walked in the door. But I was STILL falling asleep when I finally made it there. Then, I went to bed at 9:00...and actually fell asleep at 9:00....slept straight through...and could NOT get up when my alarm went off.

I stopped at wally world on my way in, to get an ace bandage. I read online in a couple places, that wrapping the leg will help support that inflamed area.

I'm so d*mned excited and motivated to get this lose some get healthy. And, of course, that's when my body decides to say "f*ck you!! you'll be fat forever". Not only could I not run today, I couldn't walk. I tried a light warm up jog...nothing heavy or fast. It lasted maybe 50-75 feet, before my leg dug it's heels in and said 'no friggin' way!' I hobbled around the rest of the hour, almost in tears the entire time...because I can't do what I want to do. I need to exercise to get healthy....but I need to be healthy to exercise?????? It's the chicken and the f*cking egg thing!!!!!!!

Today's workout was a little different, and I actually would have had fun with it...had I been able to WALK. There's a loop in the park road on the opposite side of the lake we normally work out on. When I say loop, don't think something's a HUGE loop....with tons and tons of green space in the middle. They set up the three stations at three 'points' on the loop. When you were done with each station, you had to run to the next...and so on. First station was ab work on our yoga mats. The second station was arms and legs work at the picnic tables. (step ups onto the benches, push ups against the table tops, dips, etc, etc, etc). At the third station we were split into pairs.....and had to flip HUGE farm equipment tires down a course, and back. My partner and I rocked at this. I was so mad about my legs, that I put all that energy into the tires. :-) Instead of running to each station, I cut across the middle at a limping, gimpy walk. God, I hate looking weak!!!!!!!! I mean, really, that's what it comes down to. All of these people are dead tired and still running...I look like I give up. I know, I know...I shouldn't worry about what they think....but being in a group of people while working out is one of the things that keeps me going. If they can do it, I can do it.....I don't want to be the weakest in the bunch. I think that's why I made sure my partner and I were the first (all three times) to complete the tire flipping course the morning. I had to prove that I wasn't that weak person they see hobbling in to each station last.

When we'd done 3 circuits, they had us all meet back at the tires for relay races. My partner and I were in the third heat....we caught us back up to first place, and then gave the anchor leg of the race a good head start as well. That's the kind of stuff I think of, when I think of boot camp. Not just running and sit know?? It makes it fun...makes it a you an ultimate you don't have time to think about how much pain you are in.

On top of it all, I was in so much pain, I forgot to start my heart monitor at the beginning of the workout, so I have no idea how many calories I WAS able to squeak out. That's such a small thing, in the scheme of things....but it really bummed me out!!! I download the information from my heart monitor onto my laptop in the evenings, and I can see how well I did each day. I know I worked out, and it wasn't the best workout day anyway....but my OCD really doesn't want today skipped on my laptop program. I know, it sounds silly....but it was just the icing on the cake today. It's always the smallest, dumbest thing that serves as the straw that broke that d*mn camel's back. Isn't it????

I should have stayed in bed!!!!!

No comments: