Monday, October 12, 2009

Where do these freaks keep the dramamine?

San Diego Momma has put out a bit of blog homework for the week, and since I've skipped out on the last couple, I thought I'd have a go at this one. And, I'm turning this homework in the last day it's due.

Today’s PROMPT is: A new maid comes to your home to clean, and as you’re about to leave to run an errand, you find her to say you’ll be right back, but instead of dusting, you see her in your bathroom rifling through your medicine cabinet. Tell the rest of the story.

(And, although the challenge is officially to see what I'd do AFTER I found the cleaning lady rifling through my cabinet, I thought I'd twist it a little, and tell you what got the cleaning lady there in the first place.)


I hate Thursdays. They're cruel really. You can't get excited about the weekend just yet, but it's close. Oh so close. Traffic is just plain silly, the grocery stores are packed, and all the good stuff has already been picked through at Goodwill. We should go from Wednesday, directly to Friday...if you ask me.

I'll let it go for now though, because right now I have more important things to worry about. My daughter's graduation party this weekend, for starters. The list of things to get done was too long, and I needed to delegate. First on the list, house cleaning. I called the agency the night before, and asked to have someone sent over to do a good top to bottom scrub down. Windows, tops of doors, corners of the shower...the works.

It was Sherry's first day on the job. She was over-the-top excited, to say the least. After all the illness in her family, the broken down automobiles, the lay off from work, and the death of her cat, Snookums, she would surely be standing on a ledge had it not been for a call from the cleaning agency. "Mrs. Evans...we have one opening, are you still looking for employment?" She jumped at the opportunity. Literally, jumped. Knocked over a glass of sweet tea in fact. Sherry went to her closet, changed into her one pair of khaki pants, blue polo shirt, her comfy tennis shoes and ran out the door.

There was a knock at the door, and my daughter answered it. The woman standing on my front porch was of average height, weight and build. She had her red hair pulled up into a ponytail, and was holding a bucket full of cleaning supplies in her left hand. I gave her the rundown of what I needed to have done, and off she went, ponytail bouncing along behind her.

I never smile that much when I know I have to clean.

When I turned around to close the door, I about ran smack into a tall young man standing in the doorway. He had a clipboard, and was followed by two other men. My water feature had arrived!!!!!

Jo, my daughter, had just finished her degree in marine biology, and I thought a water theme for the party would be perfectly splendid. Don't you agree??

We had gotten all of the cardboard dolphins, and paper mache whales we could find. It was no easy task. And, for the center piece of the room.....a water feature. It was a tall statue of a starfish. But it wasn't any ordinary starfish, oh no! It had small mirrors all over it...perfect for reflecting the motion of the running water that was to flow down it's sides. The effect was dizzying, and marvelous!!

Sherry had decided to start in the bathrooms and kitchen....get the hard stuff out of the way first. She could smell something funny in the kitchen, but wasn't able to locate the source. She sniffed around the garbage can and the sink drain, nothing. It must be the fridge! She opened the doors, and started moving things around, pulling things out to sniff, and notice how badly she needed to clean the shelves.

With the water feature delivered, and the cleaning begun, I figured I'd better get to work in the kitchen. I had hors d'oeuvres to prepare.

As I walked into the kitchen, the first thing I see is the cleaning lady snooping in the fridge. I didn't pay her to snoop, we need to get this place cleaned up!

"What a bitch!" Sherry thought, as she drug her cleaning supplies into the den. I was just trying to find a smell, and she accuses me of snooping. Why would I snoop in her fridge? What the heck am I going to see?"

With the cleaning set back on track, I unloaded all the needed ingrediants from the fridge onto the counter.

What is that smell? I really must have her clean this thing out while she's here!

Sherry made quick work of the den. She vacuumed the floor, wiped down all the surfaces and dusted all the bookshelves. As she was turning to leave, she knocked a stack of paperwork off the desk and onto the floor. "Drats! I'm such a klutz."

I wonder what's taking that woman so long in there? The den just needed a quick tidying up.

"Oh my god!!! I wasn't snooping through her paperwork!! Where does she come off accusing me of identity theft??" Sherry was mumbling this under her breath as she, yet again, moved her bucket of cleaning supplies to the next room on the crazy lady's list. The bathroom.

The nerve of that woman! If I didn't need someone to clean this house today, I'd have her removed, and a replacement sent....immediately. First she fiddles around in my kitchen, then she rifles through personal financial paperwork, what next?!?!?!?

On the way to the bathroom, she had to pass through the living area, and right past this.....well.....she wasn't sure WHAT it was. It was a funny shade of pink, covered in mirrors, and had water running down it's sides. "What sort of freak show did I walk into?" After staring at it for a number of minutes, she went on her merry way.

She hadn't been cleaning long when the crazy lady's daughter stumbled into the room. "I think I'm going to be sick," she said. Sherry asked her what was wrong. The young woman put the toilet lid down, closed the bathroom door, and started talking. "My mom, she's throwing me this huge party, and that's great...but her decorating is horrible."

"No kidding," thought Sherry.

She's got a statue of some sort of marine animal in the living room. It's so ugly, but I couldn't stop looking at it.

Sherry smiled, she'd done the same thing not but 10 minutes ago.

"Apparently, I looked at it too long, the water dripping off the mirrors, the light reflecting off of the I think I'm seasick, is that even possible on dry land??!!??!!"

Sherry helped the girl to her room, and went back to the bathroom. She was opening all the drawers and medicine cabinet doors in search of Tums, Rolaids, Dramamine, anything to help the poor thing feel better.

I forgot oyster sauce? How could I forget oyster sauce? The last thing I need is another trip to the grocery store. $*&#!!!!!!

Before I go, I'd better make sure the cleaning lady scrubs on those shower doors really well. They're a mess.

What the..............


Badass Geek said...


I'm pretty much that clumsy on a regular basis, so reading this was like reading a story about my life. If I cleaned at all, that is.

Nej said...

Yep, this would totally be my luck as well!!!!!!!! :-) :-)

Brook said...

I am that cleaning lady...and the crazy mom too I think. Love it!

Mot said...

I choose to remain silent.. since some of that resembles me

Nej said...

@ Brook and Mot - I think it resembles us all. :-) :-)

San Diego Momma said...

I love the shifting POVs!

Genius work.

Nej said...

@ SDM - thanks!!!!!!!