Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Weekend Update #20, The 40th Bday Special Edition (part 3, the finale)

You can read parts 1 and and here. :-)

The campground was pretty empty Friday night, but started to fill up on Saturday.

We had the whole tent camping area to ourselves, but it looked like we were going to have to share Saturday night. We had all hit the sack....or rather, sleeping bags...early Friday night. But we were planning on staying up and enjoying the night on Saturday.

Eventually all of the sites were full....except for 2. One immediately next to us, and one further down the road.

The site next to us ended up being occupied by a group of construction workers (actually, they were on a cable laying crew). Based on the cases of cheap beer, and their pillaging for trees to burn in their fire, we knew that we wouldn't be keeping them up late if we sat around the fire talking to all hours in the morning.

If only we knew then, what was to happen later that night!!

Between the kayaking, all the eating of horribly unhealthy food, and the fact that we were all just flat out being lazy....we still ended up crashing about 11:30.

I know, I know!! Sad really!!!

Anyway, we all fell asleep pretty quickly....but it didn't last long. About 1 hour to be exact.

The construction crew next to us were still up, drinking and talking around their fire. Which would have been perfectly FINE, if it wasn't for the fact a drunk couple (who nabbed the last camping site at 10:30) wondered by.

They saw the crew was still up, and they stopped to talk.

They were minors...and they were drunk.

Very drunk.

And her voice was fingernails on a chalkboard. Actually....if I had my choice, I'd pick the fingernails before I'd pick her.

As the night (morning) wore on.....she got louder and louder. Then the guys got louder and louder to compete with her, and get a word in.

She was a worthy opponent, let me just say. :-)

In order for my readers to get even a hint of what we were dealing with, I'll try and give you examples of what the conversations were.

"I think I'm going to be sick. I just need more Jack (Daniels) and I'll feel better."
She was tanked. Blasted. Blotto. Wasted. She was the only one drinking from the large bottle of Jack. And it was empty.

"I want to weigh 100 pounds. I won't be able to lift my baby, but I want to weigh 100 pounds."
She had a 2 1/2 month old baby at home. Being pregnant had NOT been good to her. Trust me.

"I had my baby through my tummy, not my vagina."
She then went on to show the guys her scar.

"I had to wrap the toilet 20 million times. It's gross in there. "
The facilities right by us were vault (pit) toilets. She had to roll her pant legs up. We've done allot of camping, and I can assure you, the restroom was actually very clean.

One of the guys asked her why she had to wrap the seat....why she had to sit on it. She replied...
"I have a vagina, not a penis...duh!!"

She also entertained us with these goodies.....
"I don't know what that means, buy you're stupid for saying it."

"I haven't drank for 9 months. I'm not drunk. Women are better dri......"
Followed by the sound of barfing.

Finally, Mot had had enough. He threw his sweatshirt on, and went to talk to them. He's used to dealing with drunks at he was quite diplomatic about it. Plus, the girl wasn't there at the he was just talking to the guys...who were, actually, really good guys. If she hadn't shown up, we wouldn't have been bothered.

I later found out that the girl was gone....because she was in the gross restroom puking her guts out. I'd LOVE to see her having to kneel on the floor her pant legs couldn't touch. :-)

Steve happened to be on the guy's side while she was in there. He'd wait until she was done...and then pee. If you've ever been in a vault know you can hear when anyone is "relieving themselves." He said that he'd pee....she'd wail....and then puke some more. Classic!! (He's so evil, I love it!!!)

Mot was lucky enough to see her come back from the bathroom. She went to sit down on one of two coolers sitting next to each other. She sat on one, but just kept going right off the back side. Grabbing the other cooler on her way down. Both coolers then opened, and dumped ice and ice water all over her. She just laid there...moaning and wailing.

He just shook his head and came back to the tent...while they tried to shut her up. She was yelling, wailing.....near screaming. You'd think someone cut her leg off.

She then went back to the bathroom, for more puking. On her way back, she took a header into a campsite post. WHAM!! Face first. We could hear the crunch from where we laid.

"Ahhhh!!! I'm bleeding! I'm hurt!! There's blood!! I need a light!!"
They found a flashlight.
"Oh, blood. I'm OK"

The drama continued for another 30 minutes or so, before Mel finally couldn't take it any longer. She shot out of her tent, jumped in her truck, and peeled out of the area.

About then, the guy that was with the chick went running down the road back to his campsite. All the while his arms were waving and he was yelling "I'm a minor, I can't get busted. I'm a minor...I'm drunk!!"

Mel taking off got some of the construction crew to go to bed....they didn't want to be involved in any cops showing up.

The guy finally came back to get his girl. He was trying to walk her back to the campsite...but she'd basically passed out in the crew's area. Leaving your woman with strangers....classy.

Mel returned from trying to find a ranger (with no luck). She talked to the camp host, and they told her to call 911, and went back to bed.

I climbed out of the tent when she got back....hoping to calm her down a little. She's had a rough couple of weeks...and this was going to be the straw that broke her back. :-(

Sheila came out of her tent as well.

Mom popped out of her tent when she heard us talking...she also wasn't sleeping.

Steve climbed out of his truck (yep, he went in it to escape the noise)...and joined us.

We all watched the young man try and walk his girl back to their campsite. She was wailing, moaning, and b*tching the whole way. I've never heard anything so pathetic in my life.

By then, Mot had gone back to the tent....but we could hear him laughing. She had started making what sounded like a perfect elk call!!!! :-)

When they got back to their site, the puking began. It lasted for a good 45 minutes at least. We all laughed and laughed.

You could look down the row of campsites, and see we weren't the only ones not sleeping. In fact, I'm guessing no one was spared. As people walked by to the bathrooms, they'd stop and hang out around our fire (we started it back up, since no one was going to get any sleep).

Next thing we know, the dude brings his chick back by to the restrooms...for more puking. And this time was the worst. In that building, her "noises" echoed throughout the park. After they'd left, mom went to inspect. She'd puked on the walls, the floors...everywhere. :-(~

Once they got back to the site....

"Don't touch me. Why are you touching me? Help me get to the tent! Why are you touching me?"

"Take me home. Please take me home. Why are you touching me? Take me home."

It was then when other people in the campgrounds started chiming in. "Take the b*tch home already."

The commotion finally ended about 5:00-5:30 am. Eventually we all headed back to bed.

There is her bottle of Jack, left at the campsite next to us. When the guys woke up, they were pretty freaked out. People were taking pictures of their company truck and license plates.

They cleaned up the evidence and took off. The dummies actually had to work that day!!!

I got a couple hours of sleep. Thank goodness!! Danny brought Starbucks iced coffees for everyone. Mine was delivered to my door. :-) I guess they figured I needed it.

The boys were out cleaning their mess up when this picture was taken. Do you see the daggers shooting from my eyeballs?

We all decided to skip making breakfast. Just as we'd all finished packing up our gear, the DNR arrived on scene. She's apparently talked to the camp host that morning...and was directed to our end of the park.

She physically knocked on the side of their tent...then started shaking it. "Get up. Wake up. You kept everyone else up last night...time for you to get up."

She even started pulling the tent poles out and deflating their tent. :-)

(Mel and Sheila sitting on the picnic table...watching the show. We were all lined up on our two tables, watching. )

The dude eventually came out of the tent and starting packing things up. The b*tch also came out of the tent finally...still drunk...and obviously in pain.

The DNR chick found some beer cans at their site. "OK, you can stop packing and take a seat at that table. I'm going to need your ID's please. You aren't going anywhere. "

This was met with cheers from not just our site...but other sites in the area. :-)

She called the sheriff...but we left before they arrived. (Actually, they pulled into the park, and we were pulling out...darn it!!!)

Everyone taking the interstate home stopped at the McDonald's near the park for breakfast (everyone but mom....they live much closer to the park...and she goes a different way).

From there Mot and I went home, unloaded the Jeep and crashed on the couches in the living room. His official birthday was Sunday....and we spent it recovering from the weekend. :-)


Badass Geek said...


Next time you guys go camping, can I come? It sounds like a blast and a half.

Nej said...

The more the merrier!!!! :-)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

"I had my baby through my tummy, not my vagina." Classy.

Also, nothing says "roughing it" like having Starbucks delivered to your tent door. :-P

Nej said...

@ mjenks - she was one heck of a classy lady, let me tell you!! :-)

The Starbucks delivery was a pleasant surprise, that's for sure. :-)

Brook said...

I am laughing my ass off! This totally reminds me of a story from my misspent youth! Oh man, the things that can happen. Look for that tale of woe on my blog soon.

Nej said...

@ Brook - love it!!!! I really should charge you for the blog ideas. (hehehe) Can't wait to read it!!!!!!!

Brook said...

I'm glad you don't cause I think I'd owe you big time...You have great stories that make me remember some of mine-awesomeness!