Epic Fail

Did you know that if you roll a lime (while putting pressure on it) along your table or counter, you break up the insides and make it juicier?

My hands smelled fruity, and I had almost a cup of lime juice.

"Had" being the key word there.

One minute, I'm picking up the container holding the freshly squeezed juice...and the next second.....it's gone.

Well...not gone, exactly. I knew exactly where it had gone.

It covered the front of the oven, the front of the fridge, the front of the dishwasher.....it was dripping off the cabinet doors under the sink and the floor was a limey river.

Sam, our black lab puppy was sliding across the floor....paws covered with the green juice.

I'm not sure what happened. I don't know how it went from the counter to where it ended up. It all happened so fast.

I spent 30 minutes slopping it all up, wiping down every open surface.....but the kitchen still smelled of limes.

I got 3 more limes from the bowl and started over. (sigh)

This time, the juice made it to the pot on the stove.

I cooked the eggs and sugar and other ingredients until they were pudding like. I added the mixture to the room temperature 8 oz of cream cheese in the mixer bowl.

Oh crap!!!! 8 ounces??? I'm supposed to use 16 ounces.

I grabbed another 8 oz package from the fridge and added it to the contents of the bowl.

Oh crap!!! That second package wasn't room temperature.

It curdles slightly.

F%#&&@%$^&(*$

I took the contents out of the mixer and put them in the food processor to smooth back out. All is not lost.

Once all is mixed, I put it in the fridge to chill and I started making the crust.

No matter what I did, I couldn't make a graham cracker crust. How hard could it be? I'd done it a million times. But nothing I did worked. It was either too dry, or way too moist. I ended up with a sticky cement like mess.

What was my problem?????

It was about then I decided to go for a run. I needed a little stress relief, and I needed it stat!!!!

When I got back from my run, I put egg whites in the mixer and turned it on. Once the whites were forming stiff peaks, I dumped them into the chilled bowl of lime "pudding".

I stuck the spatula in the bowl and started folding in the whites.

Oh crap!!!! What the h&$@???? Half of the whites were still "snotty". Really, really snotty...and I'd just started mixing them in.

The whole process is toast.

I stood there, with my head on the cold granite counter top....fighting back tears of frustration.

I heard a noise, raised my head, and looked to my left.

Sam had her paws on the counter, and half of the crust was gone.

I quit.