Sunday, November 16, 2008

How did his head fit through the doorway?

In the middle of my already busy week at work, I was reminded that I had signed up for an Advanced Microsoft Excel class, and it was Thursday. Ugh!

I was actually looking forward to the class, but this was the worst week for it to happen!! There were three of us from work going, so I knew it was going to be fun. If the class was horrible, we could talk and laugh (or even leave early). If the class was good, then we'd all learn something...and I'd have someone to go to lunch with.

When we walked into the conference center room, I fought the urge to say, "No way! Forrest Whitaker is teaching our class!!"

I kid you not...this is the guy that taught our class. He looked EXACTLY like him. If the Excel thing never works out, he can get paid huge dollars to be his standin.

Right off the bat, I knew I wasn't going to like the guy. Why such a snap judgement, you ask?

Just as class is going to start, he says "sorry folks, I know this is rude, but my wife asked that I do something this morning, and I just remembered." Now, first off, picture Forrest saying it...their voices were even identical!!!!!

Then he gets out his cell phone, and makes a call....right there in front of us. I was wondering what kind of silly 'skit' this was. Then realized he was actually making a call. OK, that was fine, but he could take it out in the hall, yes?

He really made a production out of this call!!!

"Yes, this is {name redacted} calling to find out how I can obtain tickets to the Presidential Inauguration. You can reach me at {phone number redacted}. I look forward to hearing from you." There was more ego babble during the call...but I didn't have a chance to write it all down verbatum.

1) I did write his phone number down, out of habit, and just because I could
2) What a pompous prick!!! Are we supposed to be impressed???

While he was making his call, one of my coworkers noticed that the muzak in the room was still playing, and quite loudly. So, he (and another person in the room with the same idea) got up to see if they could turn it down. They weren't able to figure the system out, so my coworker left to find someone at the hotel to turn it off.

When Forrest got off the phone, he asked where the gentlemen who got up went....and looked at me. I told him he was checking on getting the music turned off for us. And Forrest says "this music?"...and turns off the speakers to his laptop.

I laughed, and said "yep, that must have been it." But Forrest didn't think it was so funny.

"Did he not like my music? Was it bugging him?" He didn't ask those question seriously...he asked them smuggly, pompously.....

When my co-worker returned....Forrest proceeded to make him feel like an idiot for trying to help out!

Strike 2

Then he starts the class. "My name is {redacted}, and I'd like to thank you for having me to Omaha. It's a little cold here, but I think I brought some hot air with me to warm things up. You'll love the winters, but the bugs are horrible."


As I scroll through my notes for the day (which consist of excel topics, and blog notes)...

Numerous times during the day, he calls himself an expert.

At one point he asks for someone to chose from the 4 options we were talking he could give us an example. A woman in front of us picks one of the 4 options....and he says "Variables? I hate variables. How about I give you an example of another option on the board. Will that be ok?"

The lady gave him this 'eat shit and die' look, and didn't say a word. :-)

I see that I wrote down his hourly rate. He designs Excel reports and macros for people....I mean, he IS an expert.

(cough, hack, gag)

He charged a particular client $2500 for 15 hours of work. That's what....roughly 167 bucks an hour?

He speaks very well, but says "pitcher" when talking about a "picture." Big pet peeve!

All in all, he really thinks allot of himself. I admire people with confidence in themselves....but when they tell you how confident and awesome they's ugly. :-(

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